K2Final Draft, Inc. Final DraftrFFFF000000060002000177AA000000000083000000002000110000001-7EFB67000480048-24F18D5200DC-110CA10CB10B410B806400647418D5268FFFF01060720000100000085000000020F6E408404F7086F21BF5903CC0028637086FFC0F6E28934084086F7018D5220191D038E00718BD7018D5700000200000F7400000000F6E,Life of Schnorsby By Katie Hines InT. living room. early evening Harry Schnorsby is a squatty, nerdy looking man with thick glasses. He sits in his run down La-Z-Boy and reclines as he reads a newspaper named The Pulaski County Tribune. His living room is cluttered, but not dirty. The television is on. Wheel of Fortune. He looks at his watch. 6:00 in the evening. Like clockwork, he changes the channel to the local nightly news and pets his Shar Pei, Lindsey. He sits through the first segment until it comes to the second- the weekly lottery. Harry reaches under the recliner to pull out what appears to be an extremely organized caboodle of lottery tickets. He is clearly a collector. The woman on the screen pulls out the first number. News reporter Alright. Here we go! First number is... Forty-two! Wow! Forty-two! Forty-two. Harry nods, circles the forty-two on his card. The second number is seven. He circles a seven on his card. The third number matches his as well. But this is a common story. First three are usually the same, the fourth is different. As she pulls the fourth number, he is baffled. Fifty-seven. He circles the fifty-seven on his ticket. Harry Well...holy potatoes. InT. airport-Day Harry is frazzled as he walks through La Guardia airport. He drags behind him three gigantic suitcases as he stumbles up to the ground transportation line, Lindsey in hand. He is followed by four men pushing huge carts of his bags. Harry Umm. Hello. There is no response from the giggling attendants in the booth. Harry Umm...excuse me, uh, Miss. The two girls finally look at him, as if he is interrupting them. Harry (CONTD) My name is Harry. Schnorsby. I need a taxicab to my new estate. The car is being shipped. Ground transportation assistant Okay. One moment. She types. GrouND TRANSPORTATION ASSISTANT (CONTD) We have one car available. I am assuming it is just you. Right this way. Harry Well, all right. As the attractive airport worker leads him to the truck he is nearly trampled by a large church-group-like herd of twelve-year-olds, most of which try to pet his dog. He is then approached by about seventeen men trying to offer him suspiciously well-priced taxi service into the city. After kindly declining their offers, he is in the clear. As he is walking through a massive parking lot there are airport personnel everywhere. People on segues zoom past him clearly on their way to do very important segue activities. He is definitely not in Pulaski, Arkansas anymore. There is a clearing in the parking lot. They finally get to his car. GrounD TRANSPORTATION ASSISTANT Sorry about this. We would give you something better but this is all we have today. She shrugs. GROUND TRANSPORTATION ASSISTANT (CONTD) Busy day. She hands him the key to the 1989 Ford Fiesta that stands before him. HARRY Umm, miss. How am I supposed to fit my things in this small vehicle. They both look at the huge pile of bags he has been lugging around. She shrugs. EXT. ROAD-DAY. Harry is driving in the Fiesta with all of his luggage rigged on top. Lindsey is strapped on top of the luggage on top of the car. EXT. FRONT OF new york city penthouse. MINUTES LATER. Harry is standing at the gate of his brand new home. He opens the gate and gets back in his car to drive in. He pulls up to the door and gets out of the car. He takes a deep breath and, with Lindsey at his side, he walks into the front door of his new home. Harry Lindsey, darling. We have arrived. The door shuts. Int. Bedroom of his new new york home. days later Harry wakes up to his now fully furnished, fully cluttered-with-all-his-crap home. There is one bag that has yet to be unpacked. Harry opens the bag. $35,000,000. In hundred dollar bills. All here in this one bag. He takes a breath. He closes the bag again and carries it out to his car. He has his car now. No more Ford Fiesta. Instead, it is his modest 1969 Dodge station wagon. 00020000192C00000F6E1925,Int. bank. Day Harry walks through the door of the bank. It is a large, busy atrium of men and women in power suits. There are large banners with the words PRIORITY BANK written on them. Suddenly, he is stopped by an extremely energetic man in a blue suit. Bank worker #1 Well hello there! Harry smiles, nods, and tries to move past him to his right. The worker moves the same direction to stop him. Bank WORKER #1 (CONTD) Whoopsie daisies. Where ya goin' buddy? (pause). Welcome to Priority Bank, where YOU are our first priority! Harry looks past the worker and finally gets past him. He walks about three steps and is once again stopped, this time by a very enthused woman. Bank Worker #2 Hello! Welcome to Priority Bank, where YOU are our first priority. How can I help you today?! Harry Um, hello. Um, I am new to the area and I, um, need to open an account, I suppose. BaNK WORKER #2 Well perfecto! Right this way to counter 29. Mindy will help you! The worker hurries Harry along down what seems to be an endless corridor of tellers. As they are walking through the myriad of people, everything seems to blur in Harrys point of view as he realizes what is going on around him. He looks to his right and there is a grown MAN crying over a bank statement, screaming to the heavens. Man #1 Whyyyyyy!!!!?????? Harry looks to his left and there is an elderly woman at a desk with a consultant. She blows her nose into her handkerchief as she cries. As he turns his head he runs into a man who looks very disgruntled. Man #2 Oh God! Oh, God! How could this be happening to me?! Harry immediately makes a beeline for the exit. Int. bank. Day Harry walks through the door of the bank. It is a large, busy atrium of men and women in power suits. There are large banners reading Wilscruyaova Bank are draped from the ceiling. Suddenly, he is stopped by an extremely energetic man in a red suit. Harry walks through, clutching his bag. Bank worker #3 Why hello there! Welcome to Wilscruyaova Bank, where your needs come first. HarRY Umm, yes. I am just trying to-- Bank WORKER #3 Ahh yes! What can I help you with today? HARRY Well, I'm new to the area and I would like to open a new- Bank WORKER #3 Account? Well, that's dandy. You can go to counter 29 to Mandy. She will be able to set you up with whatever you need! As Harry walks through the swallowing foyer of the bank, he is surrounded by people. He looks to his left to see a woman with a crying baby screaming to the heavens. Woman #1 Whyyyyyy!!!!????? Harry looks to his left and there is yet another grown man sitting in a chair, screaming as he rocks back and forth. Man #3 Oh Lord! Oh God! Why me?! Why now?! Harry once again makes a beeline for the exit. Int. Harrys house. Night. After a long day of banking, Harry carries the very heavy bag of money and puts it in his freezer. Int. Harrys bedroom. morning. The phone rings. Harry is startled as he quickly sits up in bed and removes his night mask. He answers the phone. A breathy sexy womans voice is on the other line. Harry Hello? V.o. tiffany Hi, Harry. Its Tiffany Tiffendale... Pulaski High...Class of 75? Remember me? Suddenly, Harry perks up. Harry Oh. Tiffany. Hi, yes. Its been a while. V.o. tiffany Yes. I know I was always really busy in high school. But I was just thinking about you and heard you moved to New York. Ive been doing modeling in New York for the past 23 years. (sexily laughing) Yes, yes...it was me in the 1981 Sears panty ads. Harry Umm...yes. Yes. I think...I think I rem...remember. That. V.O. tiffany Whats your address? HARRY Well..umm. I usually try to be quite cautious about...about..giving out my address. So I dont know if it is the best idea to-- V.O. tiffany Oh, Harry. Come on! Live a little. You know me. Harry Oh. I see. Umm...okay. 323 East 78th Street. V.O. TIFFANY Upper East Side. Delicious. He hangs up the phone, pauses. He jumps out of bed and does a dance somewhat victoriously. Montage: Harry and Tiffany, a curvy, silicone breasted and lipped woman go through a series of cliche New York dates. They are laughing hysterically in all of the clips. And Lindsey is there, of course. They are in Central Park taking a carriage ride. They are eating gigantic pizzas on the side of the road. They ride in a limo and hang out the top like thirteen year olds. Last of all, they are in his large penthouse, drinking themselves silly. They pass out. Int. Bedroom. morning. Harry pulls his eyes open, closes them again and throws his leg over what he expects to be Tiffanys body. Nothing. He peels his eyes open and through his hung-over, blurry vision sees that she is not in the bed. Harry Tiffy? No response. Harry stumbles out of bed to go get some water and figure things out. As he walks from his bedroom, through the atrium foyer, through the first living room, through the second living room and into the kitchen, he sees that the freezer door is open. At first he doesnt think anything of it and reaches in to get some ice. A thought. Shit. He looks to find just what he had at that moment suspected. HaRRY (CONTD) The money. Toot! Int. Arkansas living room. Day (two years later) Harry sits in the house from before he won the money. It is the same clutter, same living room, same lottery caboodle. Lindsey sits on the same part of the couch she always has. Life as usual was going on. He sits in his run down La-Z-Boy and reclines as he reads a newspaper named The Pulaski County Tribune. The television is on. Wheel of Fortune. He looks at his watch. 6:00 in the evening. Like clockwork, he changes the channel to the local nightly news and pets his Shar Pei, Lindsey. He sits through the first segment until it comes to the second- the weekly lottery. Harry pulls out his caboodle from under his recliner. He is clearly still a collector out of sheer habit. The woman on the screen pulls out the first number. NEWS REPORTER Allright, here we go! First number iiiissss....fifty-three! Harry circles a fifty-three on his lottery ticket. NewS REPORTER (CONTD) The next number is two. The third, twenty-two. Harry circles two and twenty two on this ticket. News REPORTER (CONTD) Alright, and the final number. Thirty-seven. Please call within the next ten minutes to recieve your jackpot. Harry circles the thirty-seven on his ticket. Harry Well...holy potatoes. Blackout. 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