B2Final Draft, Inc. Final DraftkAFFFF000000060002000177AA00000000007A000000002000110199000480048-24F179D20011E-1FAAFAEFAAFAE06400647145179D3A9FFFF01060167B00001000000CF00000003030C408404F19F2773582F003CE00026B1C3277280030CC6D4084012771C3A8135894C03CE003A751C3A8124F0C6D1AD440840A811C3179D353E45038E0071785265179D35300002000003120000000030C,FRED PHELPS IS COMING TO TOWN MALE Steve Elliot FEMALE Cleo Jody Samantha PART ONE The meeting room of a college campus organization. The five students are busy sorting papers, painting signs, and so on. *** This first song needs to swap lines between each of the five characters, for claritys sake and to help us get to know the differences between these people. It also needs to establish that this is a fundraiser for AIDS hospice -- people need compassion, they need comforting, they need love. But the money is simply not coming in. People, one of the characters says, have lost their enthusiasm for giving to this cause. They need motivation -- but how? *** ENSEMBLE It's that time of year again Time to raise awareness Time to help each other out 0002000009670000030C961,But we're all in a mess We want to help everybody know We want you all to understand Love is for everyone Not just a woman and a man To help show our purpose We need a little dough So here's what we're gonna do We're gonna put on a show CLEO We'll get all my lesbian friends They'll all lend a hand We'll get it done in no time We don't need a man! SAMANTHA I'm tired of being harassed For loving other girls Let's educate these asses And make a better world **** The news arrives that some kind of protest is being organized -- a protest AGAINST a campus organization raising money for AIDS hospice. Some are dismayed, others are puzzled -- why would anyone want to prevent sick people from getting help? Well, says one, thats simple: there are terrible evil people who sow hatred everywhere they go and will make things worse for this fundraiser just for sheer spite. But, says another person, surely all we need to do is talk to these guys -- find out why theyre doing what theyre doing -- reason with them, find out what we all have in common and build from there. Some agree with this and others disagree. And anyway, how much trouble can they cause? Elliots got the answer... **** PART TWO ELLIOT Guys... I GOT A BAD FEELING. A FEELING DEEP INSIDE. CLEO & SAMANTHA YOU GOT A BAD FEELING' ELLIOT FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA DIE. I GOT A FUNNY FEELING. JODY NOT FUNNY, "HA, HA." ELLIOT I CAN'T EVEN READ IT! Elliot dramatically passes out into Steve's arms while handing the piece of paper to Cleo. Samantha and Jody crowd around her and read silently she reads aloud. ***** The paper Cleo reads aloud needs to tell us that REVEREND PHELPS will be leading the protest weve heard about, and that all the national news services will be out to pay attention to him -- thereby further poisoning the attempts of the GLBT group to raise funds and awareness. When Phelps comes to town, nobody ever pays attention to anybody but him! ***** CLEO FRED PHELPS IS PERMITTED BY LAW TO HOLD A PUBLIC SPEAKING SLASH INSPIRATIONAL TEACHING AT THE UNIVERSITY SQUARE -- LOCATED RIGHT OVER... THERE. Cleo points out toward the audience to suggest University Square is across the street. Steve drops Elliot on the floor and joins the around the piece of paper. CLEO (CONTD) ... I GOT THAT SAME FEELING OH, GOD. WHY TODAY? STEVE I GOT THAT SAME FEELING ELLIOT I'M FINE, BY THE WAY. CLEO I GOT A BAD FEELING. 000200000E6D00000C6DE67,SAMANTHA DID IT SAY REVEREND PHELPS? JODY WHO IS THIS FRED GUY, ANYWAY? STEVE I KNOW OF HIM, IF IT HELPS. SOME SAY THAT HE RESIDES IN LAND KNOWN AS TOPEKA BUT IF YOU'RE GAY OR LESBIAN, HE MIGHT NOT WANT TO MEET YA HE'S KNOWN FOR PREACHING ALL KINDS OF SLOGANS ON BANNERS, SIGNS AND FLAGS. HIS BEST-KNOWN SIGN TELLS EVRYONE THAT "GOD HATE FAGS" HE FEELS THAT WHEN GAYS DIE OF AIDS GOD'S SMILING UP IN HEAVEN BUT THAT'S NOT ALL, FRIENDS THIS MAN ALSO THANKS GOD FOR 9/11 HE HATES TV, THE INTERNET PRETTY MUCH ALL MULTIMEDIA. SAMANTHA HOW'D YOU FIND OUT ALL THIS STUFF' STEVE WIKIPEDIA. THIS GUY HATES SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE TOO. PEOPLE LIKE CORETTA SCOTT KING. AND BILL O'REILLEY, RONALD REAGAN-- JODY SO PRETTY MUCH, EVERYTHING' STEVE IGNORE THAT HE'S EIGHTY THIS MAN IS QUITE SHADY OUR FUND-RAISER'S PAST POINTS OF HEALING I GOT A BAD FEELING! SAMANTHA HE'LL SWARM US WITH HIS SIGNS AND MINIONS ELLIOT PREACH TO US HIS DAFT OPINIONS CLEO YOU THINK THAT HE WILL GO TO HEAVEN? JODY HELLO? THANKS GOD FOR NINE-ELEVEN? SAMANTHA THIS GUY IS OFF HIS FREAKING ROCKER! STEVE MAYBE WE COULD HAVE HIM SHOT, OR MAYBE WE'LL KIDNAP HIS SON! ELLIOT WE WON'T LET HIM RUIN OUR FUN... D... RAISER. CLEO WHAT CAN WE DO? HE HAS THE RIGHT? STEVE THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT WE CAN'T FIGHT HIS ABSURD, WILD AND RUDE . CLEO IN WHAT WAY DOES THAT HELP CONDITIONS? WE NEED HELP, NOT PEOPLE DYING! JODY HAS ANYONE NOTICED WE'RE STILL RHYMING? SAMANTHA WE MUST DO SOMETHING. CALL THE COPS! JODY YOU THINK POLICE WILL MAKE HIM STOP? ELLIOT & STEVE & SAMANTHA EITHER WAY, IT'S SAFE TO SAY ENSEMBLE WE'VE GOT A BAD FEELING! PART THREE *** The telethon idea is close, but not quite to the point -- they were doing fundraising anyway. But the revelation dawns on them slowly ... they put it together a line at a time: ... what if we could respect his right to free speech ... ... and turn the attention he gets into attention WE get ... ... without stooping to his tactics ... ... and raise more money to help the sick and dying ... ... by challenging the people who dont want him here ... ... to think of his protest as a kind of walkathon! ... a WHAT? ... you know, the way people collect pledges for every mile you walk -- and the further you walk, the more money you collect? ... yeah! So the longer he stays, the longer he marches and calls us names ... ... the more money will go to the people he hates! ... the people we love! ... everybody wins! ... except Fred Phelps! ... and who knows -- maybe this will show him were not evil and it will help him too! (Anyway, thats the gist of it...) *** Cleo Eureka! I know! ENSEMBLE Tell us! CLEO I've been thinking -- what if we did one of those things like do on public television with the telephones and money? cleo (CONTD) You know, I've been thinking, To keep us from sinking, We shouldn't act like Fred Phelps, We'll do something that helps! (ring ring) (ring ring) (ring ring) ENSEMBLE What' CLEO A Telethon! ENSEMBLE A Telethon' CLEO If Fred Phelps should come here, Hating on Swedes and queers. We'll open up phone lines, A dollar for every second of time. (ring ring) (ring ring) (ring ring) ENSEMBLE For every second of time' clEO Every second that Phelps crusades. ENSEMBLE We'll raise money to help fight aids! The longer he's here The more we raise We answer with peace And help fight AIDS. TELEPHONE DANCE jODY Would you like to donate' Whatever you give, we'll appreciate! I'll put you down for a buck! ENSEMBLE We're no longer stuck! 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