:_2Final Draft, Inc. Final Draft]FFFF000000060002000177AA000000000070000000002000110180499000480048-25811A2200F3-10E3B0640064719311A23F7FFFF01017FF00001000000CE00000003079A40840581ED4B63A077B03CC0014AA1ED4B62BF079ADF8408404B61ED92C3A663003CC0029201ED92C3280DF8199C408409CA1ED11A23A6B9D038E005118A28F11A22C000002000007A00000000079A,The perfect date The stage is set like an old television dating show. DEE and PIGG stand to stage right, and a screen covers stage left. CHEESY GAME SHOW MUSIC plays in the background as DEE begins to speak. DEE Welcome to The Perfect Date. Im your host Dee Seeved. Todays guest is I.M. Pigg. Out of curiosity, what do those initials stand for? PIGG Well, my parents like unusual names, so I.M. actually stands for Iberian Mangalitsa. Dee Fantastic! Welcome to the show, Mr. Pigg! PIGG Thanks, Dee, its great to be here! Youre looking fabulous as usual. At this, DEE preens and runs his hand through his hair and winks at the audience while doing his patented trigger-finger clicking motion (What the hell do you call this thing anyway?) Dee Thank you! Lets meet your dates, shall we? PIGG Sounds great, Dee. With this line, a light shines behind the screen revealing three silhouettes. Dee Contestant number one is everyones girl next door, Janie Jones! Welcome to the show, Janie. The figure farthest to stage left, JJ waves. JJ Thanks, Dee! DEE Contestant number two is a country girl born and bred. Welcome Georgia Grant! The middle figure waves. GG Howdy, Dee. DEE Contestant number three is a city girl, born right here in San Francisco. Lets welcome Paulina Pauly Paulovich! The last figure, farthest to stage right, waves. PP (deep voice) Hi Dee, thanks for having me. DEE Welcome, girls! Now, Mr. Pigg, its time for you to find The Perfect Date! Lets start with the rules of the game, just in case you didnt know them already! Mr. Pigg here has a list of questions for each of these lovely ladies. As you can see, he is separated and cant see any of the girls. When he has chosen his Perfect Date Mr. Pigg will first be introduced to the two losers....aah...I mean the two contestants not chosen, and then, we will remove the partition and introduce Mr. Pigg to his Perfect Date! Now, Mr. Pigg, your first question. 0002000006640000079A65E,PIGG pulls out index cards from behind his back. PIGG Hi, Girls. This question is for all three of you. Please describe yourself in as few words as possible. JJ Im Janie. Im blonde, medium height, athletic, and I have green eyes. Im 24. GG Hi, Im Georgia. Im blonde, blue, 22, curves in all the right places, and Im fun-sized at five foot four. PP (deep voice) Im Pauly. Im blonde, tall, athletic, and 25. Im a smoker, and I wont change that for anyone! PIGG You all sound gorgeous! Dont worry, Pauly, Im a smoker, too. Contestants one and two, Janie and Georgia, how about you? JJ An occasional after dinner cigarette. GG Nope! Never had one, never want one! DEE Okay, Mr. Pigg. The first round is over. Its time to make your first elimination. PIGG Well, Dee. Its a touch choice, and Im sorry, but Im gonna have to say goodbye to Georgia. Sorry, sweetheart, but cigarettes are a requirement when youre with me. GG stands up and walks from behind the partition to reveal an overweight young white girl. GG No problems, it wouldnt have worked out anyway, I dont feel like licking an ashtray anytime soon. PIGG and GG hug as she walks offstage. DEE On to Round Two! Mr. Pigg, are you ready for your next set of questions? PIGG Sure am, Dee. DeE And you, Girls? Are you ready? Jj Yep! PP Of course! DEE Mr. Pigg, your next question! PiGG Describe your Perfect Date. Janie? JJ Well, a long walk on the beach under a moonlight sky, a picnic, followed by a movie back at my place. PIGG What about you, Pauly? PP Well, Im a sucker for either an action movie or a comedy followed by pizza, beer, bowling, and nachos. 000200000BAA00000DF8BA4,PiGG Wow! Okay, next question. Sex on the first date? Yes or no? JJ Maybe, wed just have to find out wouldnt we? PP Of course, sex on the first date! Why date someone if they arent good in bed? PIGG Fantastic answers! Next question. What kind of job do you have? JJ Well, Im an elementary school teacher, and my second graders are the best! Hi kids! PP During the day, Im a server at Wednesdays Grill and Chill, and at night, Im the star at the Liza Minelli Tribute Cabaret Theatre! PIGG Next question- do you like football? JJ Well, I dont really know. Ive never watched it. PP I like College Football, but the NFL isnt so bad. PigG Okay, just a couple more questions. DEE Remember, Mr. Pigg, when you make your next choice, it will be your last one, your Perfect Date. So choose wisely. PIGG Thanks, Dee. Okay girls, next question. How do you feel about strip clubs? JJ Absolutely not! In a committed relationship, it is forbidden! Dont even think about it! PP Okay, well as long as you wind up back in my bed, feel freed to ogle other girls. Remember, you can look, but you cant touch- just throw the ones onstage and dont stick them in the G-strings. PIGG Thanks. And now, the last question. Where do you see yourself in twenty years? JJ Married with a two story house in the suburbs, a little white picket fence. Three kids. One boy and twin girls. We would have a calico cat and a golden retriever. PP Probably on either my fifth or sixth husband. Depends on whether Im caught with the pool boy. That, and whether I have to sign a pre-nup. Pigg Okay, Dee. I think Im ready to make my final choice. DEE Excellent, Mr. Pigg. Who will it be? Who will be your Perfect Date? PIGG My perfect date is contestant number... DEE And well find out, right after this commercial break! Lights dim a little as a pre-recorded DEE comes over the speakers. DEE (voice) Remember, gas is expensive, so buy a new car that gets better gas mileage- one like the Toyonda Civius- five thousand miles to the gallon, and it only costs you five hundred thousand dollars plus insurance! Saving the planet never looked so ugly! Lights come back up as the commercial finishes. DEE Welcome back! Its time to find out who is Mr. Piggs Perfect Date! PIGG Well, it was a tough decision, but I choose contestant number three, Pauly! DEE Fantastic! Before we meet your Perfect Date, lets meet Janie! JJ stands up and walks from behind the partition to reveal an extremely tall young black woman with bleached hair. PIGG Nice to meet you, Janie. It would have been you, but I'm not ready for that kind of commitment. JJ Its okay, I actually lied. I hate football! JJ and PIGG hug, and she exits the stage. DEE Okay, Mr. Pigg, are you ready to meet your Perfect Date? PIGG I sure am. DEE Okay, well lets meet the lucky woman. The partition is removed to reveal a tall man who is very obviously in drag. Lights fade on PIGGs horrified look as the theme show music begins to play. 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